I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
