WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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