i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
