i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize