I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
