Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize