Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
