I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize