lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
