Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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