I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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