Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
