DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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