i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize