The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
