I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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