She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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