You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
