Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
