Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
