ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
