i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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