are you still at the devil's house?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
