I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
