Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
