She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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