I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
