She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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