1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
