Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
