If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
