You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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