I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
