we're chasing vodka with high fives
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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