Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
