Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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