It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
