Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
