HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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