literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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