everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
