I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
