i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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