all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
