Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
