Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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