So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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