i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
