In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
