3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
