omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
