I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
