Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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