I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dont even know how to be here
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
