every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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