Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
