You're a womanizer and a bitch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
