she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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