Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well you can't waste a boner
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize