I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
