Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
