i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
