Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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