Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
