4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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