My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Of course I have a pirate flag
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
