I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize