I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
