I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
