You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
