just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
