if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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