after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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