I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
