Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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