shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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