you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
