i permit you to call me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
