I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
