I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
