Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
