I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize