Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
