it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
