He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
