He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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