Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
