What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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