Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize