My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize