bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
