Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
