To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
