if i can run in heels then i can drive
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
