So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
