Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
