Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
